Composition in English about poverty Can you check it , please Thank you in advance

Question

Composition in English about poverty Can you check it , please Thank you in advance

milaniyamiila milaniyamiila Профи (751), закрыт 12 лет назад

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways
of dealing with the poor.
What are some of the reasons for world poverty? What can we
do to help the poor?
You should write at least 250 words.

Poverty is an issue for every country and society. According to the report of the United Nations, over one billion people live from hand to mouth.
Every country tries to solve the problems connected with the poverty.
In my opinion, the reason for poverty is corruption which is widespread in many countries. In actual fact, only developed countries, where level of corruption is low, successfully cope with poverty.
Let's compare New Zealand and a former Soviet Republic, Azerbaijan . It is no coincidence that I have chosen these two countries. From my firsthand experience, I can definitely tell about government programs which is implemented to support people who are in need.
My distant relative lives in New Zealand. After emigration 10 years ago she could not find a job because of poor knowledge of the English language. She had to apply for the help to the authorities of New Zealand and at once she got unemployment benefit on which she could afford to rent a decent three- room apartment, food and even some entertainments for her two children at weekends. She also was given a no-repayable grant for her education.
She had been on benefit for 9 years and all these year the country, of which she even had no citizen but only the permission for residence, supported her and helped her to learn to stand on her feet.
Now let's consider my friend who lives in Azerbaijan. She is a citizen of Azerbaijan and has got three children. Unfortunately, she became a widow several years ago and in addition, she is homeless. Of course, she got a benefit but it is enough only to buy food for a week. She had to work at two jobs in order to be able to rent a one room flat in a seedy and squalid part of the city without basic conveniences such as hot running water and heating . She and her children hardly manage to survive.
To sum up, I want to underline that only developed countries with healthy economy and highly developed democratic values do utmost to support people when they go through difficult time in their lives and in this way they struggle with poverty in their societies.
As for developing countries, their governments should effectively struggle with corruption in order beat poverty in their societies.

Answer 1

According to the report of the United Nations, THERE ARE over one billion people live from hand to mouth.

Every country tries to solve the problem of poverty.

the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan... -я считаю, что здесь определенный артикль должен быть

Let's compare one WITH another ...мы сравниваем одно С другим ...no?

или так: Let's compare two different countries: New Zealand AND ...

... programs, which ARE implemented - вы говорите о программах и выбираете не тот глагол!

It is no coincidence that I have chosen these two countries. - я задумался над этой фразой, чтобы она значила, оказывается вот что: My distant relative lives in New Zealand. Почему бы вам их не соединить, не разрывать мысль?

Вы не представляете, как трудно вас поправлять :))

After emigration 10 years ago = After IMMigration TEN years ago... -числа прописью пишут!

she became a widow several years ago - к чему это? Это абсолютно лишнее и это личное, не касается к теме. Темa - бедность, но она бедна не потому, что вдова, a ...по теме (мое мнение)
Unfortunately, she became a widow several years ago and in addition, she is homeless. - абсолютно неуклюжее предложение: к сожалению что? что она вдова или что она бездомная?

She had to work at two jobs = She had to work two jobs - не должен тут быть предлог и еще: она должна БЫЛА работать или она дожна работать по прежнему, чтобы.. .правильный ли глагол вы выбрали?

Все же трудно вас поправлять, вот вам цветочки: )

Answer 2

Все правильно, только в последнем предложении следует писать in order to beat poverty in their societies

Answer 3

Внес поправки в ваш текст, но система не позволила мне писать на английском. Поэтому я все свои поправки попытался написать кириллицей. Уверен, сможете разобраться. А вообще, текст написан замечательно. Мне очень понравилось. Хороший стиль, выбор слов, грамматика.

Третье предложение - после перед "поверти" уберите артикль.
Далее, "коуп уиз поверти саксессфулли" - лучше так написать.
Вместо "Ит из ноу коуинсиденс", я бы написал "Ит из ноу эксидент"
... говернмент програмз, вич АРЕ имплементид (и програмз здесь у вас написано в американском, а не в британском варианте - программез)
"ту апплай фор хелп" артикль перед хелп не нужен.

Вот на это предложение обратите внимание. Я его перепишу, как мне кажется лучше: Ши воз он бенефит фор 9 еарз анд олл зоуз еарз (тут "с" множественного числа нужно добавить) зе кантри, оф вич ши ивен хэд но ситизенШИП бат онли хэд зе пермишн фор резиденсе, ..дальше все нормально.

ту ду зеир атмоуст - я бы вставил их перед атмоуст
гоу фру диффикулт таймз (мн. ч. )
И в конце:
"страгл эгейнст поверти" и "страгл эгейнст коррапшн" и "ин ордер ТУ бит поверти"