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Помогите с грамматикой по английскому..

Ксения Савченко Знаток (343), закрыт 8 лет назад
In the unforgettable afternoon there was a first day at school. All was new and unknown. There were many unfamiliar children.
- To me it was terrible. I didn't understand what for me there have resulted. I felt that it very important. I took the doll for a holiday.
- I have come there in a beautiful dress. I thought that all will pay attention to me. Other girl has come with a doll. All paid attention to it.
- My parents have told that it was very ridiculous. I remember only two girls. They fought from - for dolls.

Перевод6
Незабываемым днем оказался первый день в школе. Все было новое и неизвестное. Было много незнакомых ребят.
- Мне было страшно. Я не понимала зачем меня туда привели. Я чувствовала что это очень важно. Я взяла на праздник свою куклу.
- Я пришла туда в красивом платьице. Я думала что на меня все обратят внимание. Другая девочка пришла с куклой. На нее все обращали внимание.
- Мои родители сказали что это было очень смешно. Я помню только двух девочек. они дрались из - за куклы.
Лучший ответ
Елена Хлопенко Гений (86549) 8 лет назад
Исправила грамматические ошибки, оставив при этом ваше сочинение практически без изменений, так сказать, сохранив стиль автора. Хотя, на мой взгляд, предложения слишком короткие, лишены определений, оборотов, сравнений, не хватает эмоциональной окраски, то есть если тема "Самый незабываемый день" (или что-то в этом духе) , то тема не раскрыта. Почему вам так запомнился этот день?

My first day at school TURNED TO BE an unforgettable day. EVERYTHING was new and unknown. There were A LOT OF unfamiliar children.
Frankly speaking, I WAS a bit SCARED (FRIGHTENED), because I didn't understand why and what for I HAD BEEN TAKEN there. I felt that it WAS very important. I HAD TAKEN my doll for THE holiday.
- I REMEMBER WEARING a beautiful dress. I thought that I would be (at) the center of attention, since I was sure that everyone would take notice of me due my smart clothes and the doll. ANOTHER girl HAD also BROUGHT her doll with her and EVERYONE WAS PAYING attention to it. (it - если речь о кукле, на которую все обращали внимание)
- My parents SAID that it was very FUNNY. I remember only two girls. They WERE FIGHTING for (over) a doll.
Остальные ответы
»Julia Jay Мастер (1740) 8 лет назад
я бы первое предложение перевела : Это был незабываемый день, потому что он был первым в моей школе. а остальное вроде нормально
aregerds Гуру (2643) 8 лет назад
In the unforgettable afternoon there was THE first day at school. All was new and unknown. There were many unfamiliar children.
- AS FOR me it was terrible. I didn't understand what for I HAD BEEN TAKEN TO THIS PLACE. I felt that it WAS very important. I took A doll for THE holiday.
- I CAME there in a beautiful dress. I thought that EVERYBODY WOULD pay attention to me. ANother girl CAME HERE with a doll. All WERE PAYING attention to it.
- My parents TOLD ME that it was very ridiculous. I remember only two girls. They WERE FIGHTING FOR THE DOLLS.
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